Three Old Married Men
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Three old married men we are
We’ve an eye for the lassies but we won’t get far
So we find our solace in a whisky jar
Three old married men

Three old married men are we
We crave your deepest sympathy
So come and join the company
Of three old married men
You single fellows heed me well
And don’t be deceived by those wedding bells
Will they make you happy? – Will they, hell!
When you’re a married man

Now single men may envious be
But the fate that befalls us they don’t see
If they only knew the truth, well Oh, dear, me
It’s a shame for the married man
There’s nothing like a good home fire at night
To keep you warm and burn so bright
But what do you do when the fire won’t light
For the poor old married man?

Our teeth are pulled and our claws are drawn
We sometimes wish we’d never been born
And what we’re missing we nightly mourn
Since we’ve been married men
Though womenfolk bewail their lot
And complain of what their men ain’t got
It’s the other way round as like as not
For the poor old married man

Now a married man his friends regales
With the singing of songs and the telling of tales
And the drowning of sorrows in good strong ales
Bring a pint for the married man!
But our balding heads and our fading charms
Won’t give you cause for any alarms
We’ll just go down to the Stirling Arms
Three drunken married men