Descended from Noah
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I’m into our family history; I’m an Internet fiend for the past
On the website set up by the Mormons; I thought I’d make progress at last
So I followed it back through the ages; found ancestors there by the score
And as I went further and further; you’ll never believe what I saw

For it says I’m descended from Noah; they seem quite convinced that it’s so
A hundred and twelve generations; it seems such a long time ago
Yes it says I’m descended from Noah; and it may not be merely a sham
For the lineage is very specific; down through Japheth, and not Shem or Ham

Now everyone knows about Noah; that chap with the very big boat
And with everyone else going under; his family alone stayed afloat
I like messing about on the river; but now I know just what it means
It’s because I’m descended from Noah; and it’s all tucked away in my genes

Now whenever it rains I get nervous; and I feel this peculiar itch
To go down to the nearest supplier; and stock up with buckets of pitch
And if I should go down to the city; and I fancy a trip to the zoo
The animals look at me strangely; and then line themselves up two by two

I might send you a card for your birthday; and I might even sign it “with love”
But then I’ll just go to the post box; when I ought to be sending a dove
Now I’m trying to climb all the Munros; but it looks like there’s one that I’ve missed
I’ve been to Ben More and Schiehallion; but Mount Ararat’s not on the list

I’ve always had time for Charles Darwin; I’ve believed he was right all along
But just cos you rate Evolution; doesn’t mean that the Bible’s all wrong
And if I’m really descended from Noah; and he did everything that they say
It’s through his travails with a hammer and nails; that I’m living and breathing today

Now song-writing’s not always easy; I do it just for a lark
Cos you have to find rhymes for the ends of the lines; it’s not just a stroll in the park
Now I’m stuck with this song about Noah; and I’m fumbling around in the dark
I’m not being obtuse, but it’s no blinking use; I just can’t get the brain cells to spark

So if you should Google that website; and you might as well give it a go
You might find you’re descended from Noah; and so’s everyone else that you know
So that must mean all men are brothers; it’s just like good old Rabbie once said
So let’s stop making war on the people next door; and start making music instead!

Rob Griffith (November 2012)