The Great Doune Earthquake, 1997
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We were sitting round at Alex’s out in Doune the other night
When at twenty fifty seven we received an awful fright
It sounded like a forty tonner truck had shed its load
And folk were crying “Murder, Polis!” up and down the road

Now the cause of the disturbance took some time to ascertain
The Deanston ammunition dump, or a fast low-flying plane
Some said it was the Gas Board, others said it was the drains
Or an invasion by a bus-load of McLaren High School weans

It was early the next morning that the mystery became clear
And the news on FM Central said we had no need to fear
Just a little local earthquake, two point four, and fairly tame
It wasn’t San Andreas, but it shook us all the same

Meanwhile Alex had some curry on, and passed the dishes round
But the old tectonic plates were gie’n it laldy underground
Says Alex, “It’s a mild one, more a spicy Irish stew.”
But the tremor stirred his Balti into full-strength vindaloo

Now matters seismological I scarcely understand
I thought the epicentre was a section in the band
But a tremor brings you down to earth with something of a jolt
And everybody claims that it was someone else’s fault

The aftermath was minimal, I’m happy to report
Though a bison in the Safari Park gave birth before she ought
But if you’re ever out in Doune, be careful what you do
Go easy on the curry, or the earth might move for you