The Curry Song
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I’d been getting abdominal pains, and was taken into Stirling Royal Infirmary for a couple of days for observation, in case it was an ulcer. They never found anything; but during the process, I wasn’t allowed anything solid to eat for about thirty six hours. Hence the feelings that inspired this song.

Unusually, I pinched the tune (better known as "Messing about on the River", although I expect that’s not its official title). I don’t read or write music, so most of my tunes have to be pretty simple; but they are generally (and as far as I know) original.

The second verse allows me to insert the names of any places I please, and I try to make them relevant to wherever I’m performing the song. Although Surrey, of course, is a given.

It is generally agreed that the song should carry a Government Health Warning in view of the truly dreadful contrived rhyme, which you will spot coming a mile off....
I once sang this in a pub, and was asked if it was one of Hamish Imlach’s. Hamish was a man very fond of his curries, and although I didn’t know him personally, I like to think that he would have appreciated the sentiments expressed.